Then, in the evening, we had a base group session, where we played games and chatted about some gossip. We then had an epilogue where some people from YMG came to the meeting. We then had a debate about whether violence should be used to protect peace. I think that violence should be used, but only in moderation.

Thursday coming later

Then in the afternoon, we went to the central hall for a session on Committed Relationship Speakers, see mchadkirks post for more information on this session.  Then we went into base groups and talked about the Committed Relationships session, and we discussed issues that were printed on sheets. We then had a business meeting about “What is marriage and should we as Quakers support it in all its forms”. This was an interesting session as lots of people stood up and ministered about their views.

We then moved to our home groups and talked about what we had spoken about in part of the JYM program. Some people ministered and I was one of them. I spoke about how the word “gay” has been more used as an insult. This was because it is being used more on the radio and in songs and people start to copy the words that they hear from songs and off the radio in everyday conversation and as insults.

We then went to the central hall and went to the Swarthmore Lecture, hopefully, mchadkirk will do a blog post about the session because I wasn’t really listening. We then stayed in the central hall and sat for epilogue, and it was all about flowers etc. After the epilogue which was shorter than it said on the timetable, we then moved to Base Group and delt with some serious matters and played some games.

The committed relationships session was not a formal session, but instead more of an information group. It was certainly that – informative. It focused on many different sorts of committed relationship, both gay and straight. Present for this session were the interfaith visitors.

The first speaker was a lesbian woman, who has been in a committed relationship with her partner, and this has been held throughout in the presence of Quakerism. At times during this experience she felt very welcomed, yet at other times she felt sidelined or invisible, not having the full support of the meeting she was a member of. Throughout this time she had a painful awareness of never being able to have a Quaker wedding, yet she entered instead a civil partnership, celebrating this at a Meeting for Worship. She felt that she had as typical Quaker wedding as possible, but it was not made under the formal care of the meeting, and the committment was only discussed briefly in the newsletter.
She felt that the booklet on the Quaker Wedding was homophobic, heteronormative as it was, so wrote and produced her own, after she felt frustrated with the slowness of Quakers.
She felt that she had had supportive and encouraging personal treatment, but that the discrimination in the Society of Friends was a structural issue and that there was no corporate path for same sex partnerships. She felt that this issue wasn’t difficult, and that the society needed to stand up for everyone and practice what it preaches.

The next speaker was male, a gay man who was married to his partner. He felt that they had been totally welcomed as a gay couple, and that slowly they had gone through milestones to reach a sense of marriage themselves, getting a dog, putting both their names on house deeds, getting joint wills.They had considered getting a ceremony with no legal backing, but this hadn’t felt right for them. Following this they were approved as adoptive parents, changing their surnames to be the same, as only one of them couldd be the legal parent, and they had no reason to want to make this obvious, they were both dads.They adopted a 6 year old girl and her five year old brother, and lived as a nuclear family.
To them, a civil partnership would not be quite legal or right, so they instead married in a Canadian Quaker Meeting, and returned to their local meeting as a married couple. Following this they felt their relationship haad been brought before God.

The third couple were a straight married couple, both of whom were on their second marriage, having been previously bereaved. For both of them, they had had civil ceremonies before, and they felt that this time they wanted a Quaker wedding, knowing that they wanted to make the lifelong committment that was marriage. They enjoyed having a Quaker wedding because it felt special, and was a spiritually prompted declaration, so long as they both on earth shall live.

Chastity was the only option for gay peple,as they coupldnt marry and es outside marriage was seen as sinful
The final couple to speak stood together, a gay male couple who had just celebrated having met twenty years before. The first partner spoke of his struggles in coming out. He had been brought up as a Roman Catholic, and had entered a monastry, then later the priesthood in attempts to control a sexuality he had felt was abhorrent and abnormal, as with thee teachings of his church. He had felt that celibacy was the only appropriate choice, but this hadn’t worked for him, and he had had anonymous sexual encounters that had felt disgusting and sinful, hurting him. He then got married, but the marriage broke down, hurting his wife, because he had been unable to be honest with himself.
His partner had been brought up in the church also, but had drifted away as a teenager, having a jaundiced view of religion, and having realised early on that he was gay.
Their relationship developed against a background of negativity, and they were both aware that it was risky to be gay, but it was a decision they made consciously, and were glad to have had supportive neighbours, and no abuse from them, so that the times when they did face discrimination were rare, rather than being the norm. The recent introduction of legal near-equality was productive. They considered a civil partnership, and concluded that although to some it was a second class marriage, they went ahead for the legal protection that it offered. Both partners are Quakers, one having joined the Quaker meeting because it offered acceptance for gay relationships. When they affirmed their marriage in a Quaker meeting, the first time this had been done in Manchester, they had full-hearted support. They wished to end their lecture reminding people that their relationship was often private, and that there was nothing exceptional or exotic about loving each other, and that it was familiar and ordinary. They still felt that their marriage was made second class however.

“One is either equal or one is not”

Miranda Chadkirk, JYM

An image of a Quaker meeting with the presence of Jesus

Miranda Chadkirk – JYM

On Sunday evening we had a speaker come in who was from QPSW (which is Quaker Peace and Social Witness for those who don’t know). He is a Gay Rights activist and he isn’t gay because “he took a quiz on facebook”. After the speaker session, we had a base group session, in which we talked about the previous session and played Zip, Zap, Boing and we played the Obnoxious version too. We then made some kites in the creative activities session, whereas other people made Paper chains and juggling balls.

On Monday, we played a game called “Hunt The Quaker” with the 11-15 year olds. We went running around the campus looking for people dressed up. There were 20 people that we had to find and all get signatures from them. We then moved on from this to doing our second session of activities. In the drama we explored more on the JYM theme (Ubuntu) and started to plan for a performance that we will be doing at the JYM Talent Night on Thursday (No adults invited, sorry).

In the afternoon we went to the central hall for a session about Creating Community. This was just one woman talking about her life and what significant events have happened in her life. After this session, we had the option of doing Drastic Drama (which I did) or Response Groups to the talk that we went to in before.

In the evening, we watched a film. The film was called Hotel Rwanda and we were told to expect some emotional scenes. Some people cried a lot where some didn’t cry at all. If you don’t know what the film is about look here. Then we had a base group session after the film about what people thought and if people needed additional support because they found some of the events in the film moving. Then there was an optional chill out night but I decided to go to epilogue because I wanted to be quiet and reflect on the film.

Mat Penaluna

Miranda Chadkirk, JYM

Gathering

‘Summer Gathering’, or just ‘Gathering’ is a regular summer Quaker event for people of all ages. It happens for three years out of every four, the fourth is replaced by a residential BYM. It is a relaxed event, and isn’t about decision making

JYM

‘Junior Yearly Meeting’ or ‘JYM’ is an annual Easter event for 1-200 young Quakers aged 15 to 18, which is organised and run by young people. This year it is happening at YMG

YMG

YMG is ‘Yearly Meeting Gathering’. This is BYM, JYM and  Gathering put together into a week-long event for all ages.

BYM

BYM is Britain Yearly Meeting, a gathering of any Quakers who wish to come, and a chance to renew friendships and make Quaker decisions

Quakers

A religious group: www.quakers.org.uk

The Friend

The weekly magazine for Friends in the UK

Testimonies

Four main very specific beliefs that most Quakers share – Peace, Equality, Truth and Simplicity

Meeting for Worship (and Epilogue)

MfW is the morning version, and Epilogue the night version of a Quaker service, where we sit in silence, and wait for God to join us, during which time anyone can speak on anything they wish.

Friends General Conference

The American version of BYM. The main difference is that some American states have their own yearly meetings, so at FGC all the yearly meetings come together instead

Miranda Chadkirk, JYM